Priceless Legacy Research

About a month ago, the company conducted an online survey. This is what we discovered:

65% of people surveyed have taken no steps to preserve the life stories of their key loved-ones (parents, grandparents).
The number one activity to preserve the past is digitizing photographs (26% have done this). Only 2% have written a book.

This is especially interesting when one considers that 79% feel a sense of regret over the failure to capture the stories of one or more loved ones. Likewise, 71% of those who have lost one parent to death, regret not having done more to preserve those precious life stories.

Numbers don't lie . . .this is indeed serious business. It seems that, for most, regret is inevitable if people do not take basic steps to preserve memories. As we say, Life Story preservation has always been important. Now it is easy and affordable.

Mina Sirkin, a Trusts and Estates attorney in Woodland Hills, California shared this with me:

I'm a expert in post-death trust administration. In my line of practice, I come across countless cases of children who regret they did not mend a relationship with their parent before the parent died.

This complicates the process of grieving in that the child at times may bear anger towards himself for his failure to address the relationship, which anger leads to self-destructive behavior in the child's personal life. If I have learned any lesson from watching these children, it would be this: Thou shall respect your parent. This is unconditional, regardless of whether the parent remarried, etc.

There is one cure for the regret if the child has not mended the relationship: After the parent dies, pray for the parent daily.

What greater way to show respect for a parent that to take the time to listen and record? It is more than flattery to show interest in the life story of another. It is really the ultimate homage, especially to a parent or grandparent.

Lost LifeStory of Love

I received a very moving story from Linda Lowen who writes for the About.com Guide to Women's Issues. What a great testament to the need to capture life stories while our loved ones are still alive. Linda writes on a broad variety of topics but she has a passion for helping women in particular deal with unresolved grief.

I regret that I never asked either parent to tell me the true story of how they met.father (an American-born Jew) met and married my mother (a Japanese Buddhist) in Osaka, Japan - her hometown. He was a sailor on shore leave and she, to the best of my knowledge, was a secretary. Different family stories exist about their first meeting. One version says he was exchanging dollars for yen in a bank, and fell in love with her there. Another says that they met at a party through mutual friends.

I thought I had plenty of time to ask them. My mother, diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, lived 18 months beyond her diagnosis, and because she was doing so well I hesitated to ask 'those final questions' because she wanted to act as if nothing was wrong. When she declined, it happened within hours, and she slipped into a coma before I could tell her all I needed to say. My nursing home-bound father, in good health, died two weeks to the day after her death. A massive heart attack - totally unexpected. I am an only child with no remaining relatives who can answer that question. To my lifelong regret, the story of their blossoming love died with them.

I have heard similar stories often in recent months. When we wait too long to ask and record the key stories we stand the risk of great regret.