Drawing Out Wisdom From Parents

A very wise and insightful piece as in the New York Times a few days ago. Thanks to Legacy Consultant Jody Murphy for bringing it to my attention. Writer Anne Roark describes the major insights from Henry Alford's new book How to Live: A Search for Wisdom From Old People.

The article articulates the satisfactions that accrue to all who undertake the preservation of life stories and lessons. It even has some handy "how to advice" on managing interviews.

A final word if you’re still reluctant to start the interviewing. Mr. Alford says that people are “repositories of knowledge” and the elderly “the keepers of wisdom,” and he cites an old African saying: “The death of an old person is like the burning of a library.” Many people have complicated relationships with parents, but all of us love libraries.

Mina Sirkin, a Trusts and Estates attorney in Woodland Hills, California shared this with me:

I'm a expert in post-death trust administration. In my line of practice, I come across countless cases of children who regret they did not mend a relationship with their parent before the parent died.

This complicates the process of grieving in that the child at times may bear anger towards himself for his failure to address the relationship, which anger leads to self-destructive behavior in the child's personal life. If I have learned any lesson from watching these children, it would be this: Thou shall respect your parent. This is unconditional, regardless of whether the parent remarried, etc.

There is one cure for the regret if the child has not mended the relationship: After the parent dies, pray for the parent daily.

What greater way to show respect for a parent that to take the time to listen and record? It is more than flattery to show interest in the life story of another. It is really the ultimate homage, especially to a parent or grandparent.