Mina Sirkin, a Trusts and Estates attorney in Woodland Hills, California shared this with me:

I'm a expert in post-death trust administration. In my line of practice, I come across countless cases of children who regret they did not mend a relationship with their parent before the parent died.

This complicates the process of grieving in that the child at times may bear anger towards himself for his failure to address the relationship, which anger leads to self-destructive behavior in the child's personal life. If I have learned any lesson from watching these children, it would be this: Thou shall respect your parent. This is unconditional, regardless of whether the parent remarried, etc.

There is one cure for the regret if the child has not mended the relationship: After the parent dies, pray for the parent daily.

What greater way to show respect for a parent that to take the time to listen and record? It is more than flattery to show interest in the life story of another. It is really the ultimate homage, especially to a parent or grandparent.

Keep Memories All In the Family - NBC mention

We were featured on the website of the DFW NBC affiliate today.

The Importance of Urgency

Urgency is the key watch word at Priceless Legacy. Complete LifeStories now. Do not wait too long or you may regret that procrastination.

I received the following from an expert in San Francisco named Stan Goldberg:

As a bedside hospice volunteer for six years, I've often been involved in helping adult children express gratitude for a parent as he or she approaches death. These precious moments not only provide closure for survivors, but also make the journey easier for the person who is dying. However, for some people who are dying, the timing doesn't work. For one patient whose mother just died, the expression of love came as she, along with a few other volunteers performed a ritualized bath for her mother. For twenty minutes, as we cleaned her body and cried, the woman's daughter went through a litany of events she regretted.

This story and others involving my hospice service appear in my new book LESSONS FOR THE LIVING: STORIES OF FORGIVENESS, GRATITUDE, AND COURAGE AT THE END OF LIFE (to be released June 9th)

Carine Firestone shared with me a very poignant story about parental love and loss.

Sadly and unfortunately I have nothing but regrets surrounding both of my parents and their deaths. My mother died when I was 21 years old. She was 44. She and I had a very tumultuous relationship. My parents had divorced when I was 15. My Dad abandoned us, and I blamed her. We were always fighting, she and I, and I said so many terrible things to her including "Drop Dead" which she did. You know the old saying "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". She died suddenly, and I was not able to get to her side before she died. I never had a chance to say "Mom, I am sorry, and I love you". As a mother now of a 13 year old daughter I realize all of the sacrifices she made. I understand how difficult it was for her as a mother of 3 young children without the help and support financially and emotionally of a husband. I have made peace with my regrets, but I will always regret the way I treated her and the fact that she and I never had a chance to make peace.

My father died 2 1/2 years ago. He and I had a loving close relationship. When he returned to my life 5 years after abandoning us I accepted him back and was thrilled to have him back. He became ill in May 2006 and I saw him slowly deteriorating. I saw him fighting back with courage and dignity. We, my family and I were there for him in his final months. I regret that on the day he died, at the moment he died, I was not there by his side to hold his hand and tell him one last time "Dad I love you always have and always will".

Yes, I also regret not having all of my questions answered by my parents while they were alive. My sister, brother and I have so many questions that will forever remain unanswered.

I added the bold font treatment to Carine's account becuase I think it is so very important.

Thank you, Carine, for sharing with us.

Storytelling can Change your Life

A friend and former colleague sent me a very good story on the importance of storytelling from the Christian magazine Relevant. It is worth a quick read.

Lost LifeStory of Love

I received a very moving story from Linda Lowen who writes for the About.com Guide to Women's Issues. What a great testament to the need to capture life stories while our loved ones are still alive. Linda writes on a broad variety of topics but she has a passion for helping women in particular deal with unresolved grief.

I regret that I never asked either parent to tell me the true story of how they met.father (an American-born Jew) met and married my mother (a Japanese Buddhist) in Osaka, Japan - her hometown. He was a sailor on shore leave and she, to the best of my knowledge, was a secretary. Different family stories exist about their first meeting. One version says he was exchanging dollars for yen in a bank, and fell in love with her there. Another says that they met at a party through mutual friends.

I thought I had plenty of time to ask them. My mother, diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, lived 18 months beyond her diagnosis, and because she was doing so well I hesitated to ask 'those final questions' because she wanted to act as if nothing was wrong. When she declined, it happened within hours, and she slipped into a coma before I could tell her all I needed to say. My nursing home-bound father, in good health, died two weeks to the day after her death. A massive heart attack - totally unexpected. I am an only child with no remaining relatives who can answer that question. To my lifelong regret, the story of their blossoming love died with them.

I have heard similar stories often in recent months. When we wait too long to ask and record the key stories we stand the risk of great regret.

New LifeStories Update

We don't do this for every LifeStory we publish (or we'd be accused of video spamming!) . . . but two more came in today and, frankly, I am procrastinating some financial analysis that I need to do so I recorded this short segment to tell you about them.

Companies with Purpose Thrive

An interesting article in the Gallup Management Journal posits that the most successful companies in the future will be those that have a clear purpose or reason for being beyond just making money. Sounds like they've heard about Priceless Legacy!

The Legacy Preservation Workshop

We just added this video to the Resource Center at Priceless Legacy.

The video explains how a Legacy Consultant might use the Legacy Preservation Workshop Presentation at a community gathering to explain the urgent need for life story preservation. The Powerpoint itself is also available in the Resource Center.

Valentine's Day Has Come and Gone

It may be a bit melancholy or "anti-romantic" but some Valentine's Day love fails to outlive the shelf life of the flowers that were purchased to represent it.

Lasting love, and I mean real to the core 25th anniversary marriage or parent-child love, is far more enduring.

Indeed it is the love of family that passes through all eternity because, for most, it is the purest example of God's love on earth. That is why Valentine's Day is as good a time as ever to contemplate those eternal aspects of our existence. What will outlive our bodies, what was this blink of an eye all about?

These are the issues of LifeStory reflection. They energize our very existence.

You Already Know Everyone You Need to Know

A new book by Bob Beaudine is out and it is called the Power of Who.

The premise, as the reviews I have read state it, is that we all know a lot of people in our daily lives. These people are prepared and willing to assist us in attaining our goals if we only ask them to do so. This observation Beaudine makes in distinction from "networking" where strangers meet each other often without a clue as to what each is seeking.

For our Legacy Consultants this is a powerful insight. The near universal appeal of the LifeStory preservation mission and the gorgeous LifeStory products we produce is such that each of us has a nearly universal well of human resources to tap - yet how many of us do? Fear of being "pushy" or "salesy" will sometimes cause us to down play our passion. The result is a story not capture and a memory not saved. Real people pay the price for our inactivity.

If each of us knows 200 or more people - think of the power of spreading the word at almost every encounter?

Where are our Legacy Consultants?

We get a lot of questions about where our Legacy Consultants are located. This two minute video will explain.

A Dog Named Brittany - 1995-2009

Awareness of ultimate and inevitable loss is what gives us the urgency to accomplish the creation and preservation of our legacy. Without the awareness that people and times comes to an end, we might be tempted to put off for too long the which we know we must do.

So I was reminded yesterday with the death of our much loved English Springer Spaniel named Brittany. She was a sweet and loving dog whose end we had anticipated over the last two years of canine diabetes and arthritis. And yet, when the end finally came, it still seemed sudden. Isn't that how it always goes? Even with advance warning we so often put off what we know we should and must do.

I took comfort in Lord Byron's poem to his dog, Boatswain.

On a monument placed in the garden of Newstead.
A prose inscription precedes the verses:—

"Near this spot
Are deposited the Remains of one
Who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man without his Vices.
This Praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
If inscribed over human ashes,
Is but a just tribute to the Memory of
BOATSWAIN, a Dog,
Who was born at Newfoundland, May, 1803,
And died at Newstead Abbey, Nov. 18, 1808."

When some proud son of man returns to earth,
Unknown to glory, but upheld by birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe
And storied urns record who rest below:
When all is done, upon the tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been:
But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master's own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonour'd falls, unnoticed all his worth-
Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth:
While Man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive Heaven.
Oh Man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power,
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on- it honours none you wish to mourn:
To mark a Friend's remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one,- and here he lies.

Newstead Abbey, October 30, 1808.

“Tell Your Family Story” Contest

An interesting competition that I learned about from the Association of Personal Historians.

Pendleton Woolen Mills Running a “Tell Your Family Story” Contest

Pendleton Woolen Mills is running a “Tell Your Family Story” contest. You must share your family story in 500 words or less--and you have a chance to win an exclusively designed jacquard blanket depicting the story--patterned after a traditional Native American trade blanket.

“For generations, blankets have been woven with story-telling designs that speak to various aspects of important elements of life, such as rites of passage, legends and community,” says Robert Christnacht of Pendleton Woolen Mills. “This contest gives one family an opportunity to tell their family story in one of the most authentic American traditions, the Trade Blanket.”

You may pick up entry forms at several Pendleton Woolen Mills store locations or online at their website. The winning entry will be selected for its authenticity, creativity and originality by a panel of Pendleton judges. The winner receives 12 of the specially designed blankets.
Entries must be received by April 30, 2009. The winning family will be announced by May 30, 2009.

“To help celebrate the six generations of our family,” says Mort Bishop III, president, Pendleton Woolen Mills, “we wanted to give families around the country a chance to have something lasting, unique and truly special.

Here's the link: http://www.pendleton-usa.com/jump.jsp?itemID=1303&itemType=CATEGORY&path=1%2C3%2C197%2C1303

Mr. Bishop says " chance to have something lasting, unique and truly special." Sounds a lot like a Priceless Legacy LifeStory!

"The Box" By Gail Smith

A fan of Priceless Legacy, Gail Smith, sent me this poem of her creation. I think it captures beautifully the emotions that attend our vital work. (With apologies for the formatting that that blog will impose on her work!)


“The BOX”

Often cardboard, tattered and stained, long forgotten and unexplained!

The contents vary, yet so the same, pictures, letters, our life proclaim!
We all have one, unique, yet not, a trail of life, memoirs forgot

The values vary, some low, some high, dependent on our last goodbye.

Buried Treasures or piled up trash? Reckoned by what’s within your dash!

That little line, defines your worth, from time of death, back to your birth.
Life’s all about, our firsts and lasts and in between with such contrasts!

Our deepest thoughts, our life’s forecasts, yet in the end, it’s all our pasts.
What life story does your box tell? Are you happy with this farewell?

Will your loved ones fondly reflect, upon your box with great respect?
If not, start NOW! Build your best box! Fill it with love; share your hard knocks,

Tell lessons learned, reveal the facts, disclose the joy of all your acts!
When you are gone, they’ll want to know, answers, details told long ago.

They’ll search the box, for hours on end, sweet memories, your touch transcends!
Make sure you share the key to find, the BOX of Life you leave behind.

This will become a treasure chest; your legacy, true and blessed!


Gayle Smith

11/10/08

Unpublished work © 2008 Gayle Smith

LifeStory Versions

Many LifeStories are simple chronological narratives. Some, on the other hand, have a specific theme or orientation.

For example,

Donor Thank You LifeStories - whereby an institution sponsors a LifeStory to be created in honor of a patron or supporter).

Corporate History - whereby the Subject discusses his corporate LifeStory.

Career LifeStory - a sort of "Mr. Holland's Opus" overview of a Subject's career.

Faith Witness - A LifeStory revisited in the context of a particular religious faith.

Fundraising LifeStory - Using the LifeStory as a mechanism to raise money for a group.

Avon SuperBowl Ad

I saw this Avon ad during the Superbowl. Of course they are trying to recruit Avon salespeople (I guess "Avon Lady" is a dated term).

I was struck by how many of benefits described by these Avon women equally apply to our Legacy Consultants. And, there is one key addition. Our Legacy Consultants make huge and everlasting impact on the individuals and families they serve. That is a much harder claim to make about most consumer products.

Lifestyle, income, making a difference, having fun . . . sounds like a good deal to me.

Superbowl Reflections

Having served as CEO of Beckett Media for the four years before founding Priceless Legacy, I can't help but view sporting events through a business lens. Beckett, for the unfamiliar, is the nation's premier publisher of price guides and other content in electronic and print form for sports collectors.

Among sports collectors, it is not uncommon to pay prices in the thousands and tens of thousands of dollars for game worn jerseys or prized trading cards. For example, a 2004 Topps Ben Roethlisberger rookie card graded by Beckett as a perfect 10 our of 10 sells for almost $3000. Imagine that. Of course most collectors don't personally know the sports heroes they collect. By definition, there is a market for these items simply because others value them too. But also there are publicly recorded stories of on field glory that drive the appreciation of the physical items.

Now, think how much meaningful memorabilia there is your own family. Old photographs, legal papers, military records, report cards, deeds from the first home purchase or college degrees and diplomas. How do you put a price on those? More importantly, who will record the stories that go with those items?

LifeStory capture is vital and urgent. There is no ESPN or NBC to record the stories that define you and your family. That is up to you.