Mina Sirkin, a Trusts and Estates attorney in Woodland Hills, California shared this with me:

I'm a expert in post-death trust administration. In my line of practice, I come across countless cases of children who regret they did not mend a relationship with their parent before the parent died.

This complicates the process of grieving in that the child at times may bear anger towards himself for his failure to address the relationship, which anger leads to self-destructive behavior in the child's personal life. If I have learned any lesson from watching these children, it would be this: Thou shall respect your parent. This is unconditional, regardless of whether the parent remarried, etc.

There is one cure for the regret if the child has not mended the relationship: After the parent dies, pray for the parent daily.

What greater way to show respect for a parent that to take the time to listen and record? It is more than flattery to show interest in the life story of another. It is really the ultimate homage, especially to a parent or grandparent.

Keep Memories All In the Family - NBC mention

We were featured on the website of the DFW NBC affiliate today.

The Importance of Urgency

Urgency is the key watch word at Priceless Legacy. Complete LifeStories now. Do not wait too long or you may regret that procrastination.

I received the following from an expert in San Francisco named Stan Goldberg:

As a bedside hospice volunteer for six years, I've often been involved in helping adult children express gratitude for a parent as he or she approaches death. These precious moments not only provide closure for survivors, but also make the journey easier for the person who is dying. However, for some people who are dying, the timing doesn't work. For one patient whose mother just died, the expression of love came as she, along with a few other volunteers performed a ritualized bath for her mother. For twenty minutes, as we cleaned her body and cried, the woman's daughter went through a litany of events she regretted.

This story and others involving my hospice service appear in my new book LESSONS FOR THE LIVING: STORIES OF FORGIVENESS, GRATITUDE, AND COURAGE AT THE END OF LIFE (to be released June 9th)

Carine Firestone shared with me a very poignant story about parental love and loss.

Sadly and unfortunately I have nothing but regrets surrounding both of my parents and their deaths. My mother died when I was 21 years old. She was 44. She and I had a very tumultuous relationship. My parents had divorced when I was 15. My Dad abandoned us, and I blamed her. We were always fighting, she and I, and I said so many terrible things to her including "Drop Dead" which she did. You know the old saying "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". She died suddenly, and I was not able to get to her side before she died. I never had a chance to say "Mom, I am sorry, and I love you". As a mother now of a 13 year old daughter I realize all of the sacrifices she made. I understand how difficult it was for her as a mother of 3 young children without the help and support financially and emotionally of a husband. I have made peace with my regrets, but I will always regret the way I treated her and the fact that she and I never had a chance to make peace.

My father died 2 1/2 years ago. He and I had a loving close relationship. When he returned to my life 5 years after abandoning us I accepted him back and was thrilled to have him back. He became ill in May 2006 and I saw him slowly deteriorating. I saw him fighting back with courage and dignity. We, my family and I were there for him in his final months. I regret that on the day he died, at the moment he died, I was not there by his side to hold his hand and tell him one last time "Dad I love you always have and always will".

Yes, I also regret not having all of my questions answered by my parents while they were alive. My sister, brother and I have so many questions that will forever remain unanswered.

I added the bold font treatment to Carine's account becuase I think it is so very important.

Thank you, Carine, for sharing with us.

Storytelling can Change your Life

A friend and former colleague sent me a very good story on the importance of storytelling from the Christian magazine Relevant. It is worth a quick read.

Lost LifeStory of Love

I received a very moving story from Linda Lowen who writes for the About.com Guide to Women's Issues. What a great testament to the need to capture life stories while our loved ones are still alive. Linda writes on a broad variety of topics but she has a passion for helping women in particular deal with unresolved grief.

I regret that I never asked either parent to tell me the true story of how they met.father (an American-born Jew) met and married my mother (a Japanese Buddhist) in Osaka, Japan - her hometown. He was a sailor on shore leave and she, to the best of my knowledge, was a secretary. Different family stories exist about their first meeting. One version says he was exchanging dollars for yen in a bank, and fell in love with her there. Another says that they met at a party through mutual friends.

I thought I had plenty of time to ask them. My mother, diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, lived 18 months beyond her diagnosis, and because she was doing so well I hesitated to ask 'those final questions' because she wanted to act as if nothing was wrong. When she declined, it happened within hours, and she slipped into a coma before I could tell her all I needed to say. My nursing home-bound father, in good health, died two weeks to the day after her death. A massive heart attack - totally unexpected. I am an only child with no remaining relatives who can answer that question. To my lifelong regret, the story of their blossoming love died with them.

I have heard similar stories often in recent months. When we wait too long to ask and record the key stories we stand the risk of great regret.